I was dropping my son off at the international airport this morning, to go on a mission trip that our whole family has been on together 3 times. I haven’t been in an airport for 2 years and if I had had my passport on me, I might have done something rash and booked a ticket!
I felt I had accepted that travel wasn’t in my future for awhile. I was fine helping my son pack up, getting out the travel things we’d saved from previous trips, driving him to the airport and leaving my husband at home with another son. We got there and had some issues with flights. But everything worked out.
Then, I went to the car and cried. The loss experienced in having someone you love taken away with dementia, is ongoing. Alzheimer’s is often referred to as ‘the longest goodbye.’ And, it’s hard, friends. Today, was a reminder that I have a spouse, but he can’t drive or go on long trips, or even understand why I was gone all day. When I got home, he looked at me, but didn’t say ‘hi,’ or ask how my drive was.
4 years ago, if I couldn’t go, he would have driven my son. 3 years ago, we would have gone together. 2 years ago, we would have gone together, but I would have driven. Today, he stayed with our son. A year ago, he would have asked the son he stayed with, where I was, all day long. Today, he didn’t miss me at all.
The loss hits on so many levels and it doesn’t really diminish. This is something I did not understand at all for the first year. I’ve gotten better at handling disappointments and grief and likely the next time I take someone to the airport, I’ll be less emotional about it.
I guess today was the reminder of the loss day. The first coming to terms with yet another part of our relationship, traveling and serving together, that is gone.
Thanks for your kind comments on earlier posts. This is a very difficult thing to blog about. And my hope and prayer is that I will be able to offer some comfort in time, to those walking a similar path.
Blessings.
Anne
