When the boys were little, my most stressful times were when we were getting ready to go somewhere. And specifically, the every day or repeat trips, like church, homeschool science class, and music lessons, were the hardest. Trips to see Grandma were stressful because of the long miles in the car, but because they were more an event, we planned weeks in advance, started gathering supplies and putting them in one place, sometimes even pre-packing. Because we were excited.
I remember Sunday mornings having the greatest chance of fighting and anxiousness. Why? Because, we waited until Sunday morning to find clothes, pack diapers, look for the Sunday school treats, and so on.
Before I go further, I still procrastinate. I didn’t solve my procrastination with this one thing, but it taught me something important.
One Saturday afternoon, I realized if I set out what the boys were going to wear Sunday morning, not just know in my head, but physically place those items where they would be ready, that would make my mom-life a little easier.
Now, you are reading this probably thinking, well, that’s a no-brainer. And it was or is. Setting out clothes to eliminate rushing around, trying to find stuff, and possibly getting tense and stressed because all the sudden, that one sock that you just have to have with those dress pants, is missing, is obvious. And yet, I felt like it was an epiphany at the time, when the boys were young. And the times going forward that I made sure they had what they needed the day before they needed it, was incredibly calming. I still had to fight with my internal habit of putting it off because I had other things I wanted to do, but I would remind myself how much better I felt.
I often put off those things that I perceive will not feel good. Like getting my tax paperwork in order. I know, everyone knows, if you wait until January of the following tax year, to start looking for receipts, invoices, bank records, investments, you will be tired, stressed, irritated and worse yet, probably miss out on some tax write-offs because you didn’t keep your paperwork tidy. And yet, I did that very thing, year after year, until a counselor helped me see why I was procrastinating and how to shift my mindset. I’m far from perfect in my filing today, but getting tax paper work together for the accountant each new year, takes me hours, instead of weeks. It wasn’t a time management issue, it was an emotional issue.
I try to teach this to my sons, even now, as adults, but, I think as I did , they will have to discover it for themselves, because I’m Mom, and so far I still don’t know much because my sons are between 19-26.
Any time one of my sons or hubs has some place important to be the next day, I try to nudge them to get ready the night before; have the cooler ready, set out your socks, wash your work clothes the afternoon before instead of waiting until midnight. I nudge. They say, yes, I will get it ready. Then, the next morning, feathers are flying. Where’s this? Why isn’t this where it should be? I’m going to be late.
And all the sudden, it becomes my emergency. Moms…this is not the time for teaching. You’ll just get more frustrated. Trust me, it will fall on deaf ears or cause an argument, if you try to teach during the crisis.
I know from looking back, when the boys were young, the most likely time I would blow my cork, was due to procrastination.
I have so many examples of this in my life, it's crazy. Take for instance, company coming. Do I clean the week before, at a calm pace, or do I wait until the day before or the day of, and start cramming things in the closet or under the bed, and end up a hot, sweaty mess, putting on a fake smile, as they walk up to the door? The examples are so numerous, just from my life, that I could probably fill lots of pages in my journal.
My son and I go round and round on “getting ready.” Let me just tell you, moms, he and I have different definitions of ready. Ready for me, is having stuff set out, for the intended purpose. Ready for him is knowing that somewhere we have it. Our definitions do not match, and when I expect him to be “my kind of ready,” and he’s not, we get into a non-loving space, because all the sudden, in order for him to make his deadline, I feel like I have to put aside what I am doing and help him.
This morning was one of those times. He left for his thing, and I sat down, feeling defeated and stressed. The answer is probably outside in my garden or foraging for mulberries. Time to put on some sunscreen, water the garden before the heat of the day, and talk to God. Perhaps I should do some extra gratitudes as well!
Your friend,
Anne Dovel - The Fit Quilter
