How Stitching Is Helping Me Through Grief

When I started this blog, to share adventures in stitch, sourdough and even fitness so we can live healthier lives, I didn’t know my husband’s early onset Alzheimer’s was waiting in the wings, so to speak. He and I had started to remodel a part of the barn to have as a spacious studio, where I would sew, quilt, and have a place to do messy art, if I wanted to. We were halfway into that remodel, my machines set up out in that room, a big picture window installed, a pellet stove for the winter days and a window AC for the hot, damp summer days. Our neighbor built long, rolling table to use for cutting fabric and batting. Everything was just percolating! Then, my husband’s disease entered the picture and as you might expect, we stopped working on my studio. My well-earned long hours of creating out in the sewing room studio, came to a halt. My dreams of a space to invite other creative stitchers to come and enjoy a day of community, ideas and creativity, got shelved.

And, overwhelmed with this role of full-time caregiver, during a year when we fully expected to finally buy our dream RV and travel and have a shop of tools for Dave to play with and a studio next to it for me, I kind of gave up temporarily. I went through months of grief that I didn’t understand, watching my husband deteriorate. I’ve written some blog posts about that for other caregivers.

The good thing that has come of out this time, however, is that I picked myself up and decided, I had other ways to satisfy my creative itch. And, that’s why I started doing more handwork. I am able to stitch, create something, even if it’s just for the joy of moving the needle in and out of fabric, and be centrally located in the house, so my husband can always find me or see me.

The blogging, also, came to a stop. And, it was frustrating, because I had a plan and I was staying consistent. It wasn’t for lack of interest in blogging. I was just too overwhelmed, I understand that now.

Page 12 of a 100 day project, inspired by Ann Wood Handmade. Ann Wood Handmade

What is this piece?

This is page 12 of a 20 page project, hand-stitched, following prompts by Ann Wood. I first found Ann Wood’s art on Instagram. I loved her paper machè ships and boats, birds and the tiny mouse that is a free pattern on her site. I’ve made many of those mice.

For my stitched pages, I followed Ann’s recommendations to only stitch on them for 15 minutes or less a day and only 5 days, then start a new page. I haven’t sketched anything out or planned ahead. I reach down into scraps, of which I usually have a few close to my living room chair, I thread a needle and start stitching and the design develops. And sometimes, it is simply 5 days of random stitches on a background.

I add the date that is the 5th day for that page, and if a word kept coming up during the week, I will embroidery that. “Hope” is a word that I have thought about a lot. We have to have hope, otherwise, the overwhelm can make us feel hopeless, and we stop caring. I know from my own experience, when I stopped caring about my own health, I quit sewing, I sat and dwelled on the things I couldn’t change. At the beginning of 2022, after 18 months of grieving so much loss, I told a friend one day, “I just need to care again.” And, that’s when I began stitching something, every day, even for a few minutes. Stitching, doing anything creative or building with our hands, is such good therapy. I may not be done grieving, but the daily stitching practice, which included this 100 day project, has been a good discipline for me to look forward to each day. If I do nothing else, at least at the end of each day, I can look back and see a small piece of stitching or knitting, a small creative act, producing something rather than just worrying, grieving and consuming. And it helps me be more in the present.

Anne