Dirty dishes mean I've failed and other lies I've told myself

Who am I kidding? During every season of my adult life, I’ve had dirty dishes sitting in the sink; except right before company arrives or on moving day.

Two days ago, in a flurry of kitchen clean-up, I once again determined that my life would be so much better if I made sure the dishes were done and countertops wiped off. Here I sit, morning of day 3, dirty dishes in the sink, clean dishes in the dishwasher, various hand-washed dishes and tools balanced precariously on the countertop.

And instead of beating myself up about it, once again, I decided to sit by the fire. And, since it’s just the cat and me this morning, I didn’t laugh out loud. But, I chuckled to myself. Who am I really kidding? I’ve been married 36 1/2 years, and more often than not, there are dirty dishes in the sink that need to be washed and clean ones that need to be put away. So, I asked myself, why does this bother me so much?

I decided it boils down to comparison. Somewhere along the line, I got it in my head that I would be a better mom, wife, hostess, entrepreneur, daughter…if I could get this part of my life organized. After all, other women seem to do it. Why can’t I? Do I just not care? Am I lazy? Did I just not nurture my marriage enough that my husband sees dirty dishes and thinks, ‘I know Anne would appreciate it if she didn’t see these dirty dishes.’ Did I not train my sons well enough to notice and to serve? What kind of mom was I? I see pictures of other families whose kids just jump up, do the dishes, dry them and put them away. Did I fail to teach responsibility or helpfulness? Are dirty dishes a sign of a lack of something else in my life?

The enemy, whether you call him satan or something else, seeks to destroy. That’s the truth here. Dirty dishes are just dirty dishes. They are the result of living. The day I have or create no dirty dishes, my life is probably over. Years ago, I finally felt like I understood how deceptive and wily the enemy is. He just never gives up. Which is why, on a Monday morning, after I’ve had my quiet time, seemingly out of nowhere, I’m questioning what all I did wrong that I still wake up to dirty dishes in the sink. That’s so trivial. You’d think the enemy would burn down my house; something a little more traumatic. But, what I’ve learned is, it’s not that obvious. The enemy seeks to devour and destroy, but where does he do that best? For me…it’s with doubt and guilt. Guilt over little things like dirty dishes. Doubt over a disobedient child. Even as a caregiver for my spouse, did I do something wrong? I thought empty nest was going to be a whole lot prettier.

Dirty dishes in the sink and a little irritation that I failed to somehow create a life where the dishes get dirty and clean, like clockwork; that’s all it took to go down this path of, ‘what is wrong with me?’

So, I’m trying something else. Gratitude. Dirty dishes in the sink, means there is food in the house and people that I love to eat it. Seeing the dirty dishes in the sink, means I’m awake to witness the miracle of another day. Dirty dishes in the sink, means that I actually have a sink and dishes. Dirty dishes in the sink means I have the opportunity to let my mind wander while I do the monotonous task of washing dishes.

I don’t think I’ll ever enjoy waking up to dirty dishes, but I don’t think I’ll kick myself about it anymore after today. Dirty dishes are dirty dishes. That’s all.