I’ve been married 35 years. My wedding was simple.

Dress - $125, from a shop in Lincoln, Nebraska.
Bridesmaid dresses - dotted Swiss in pastels, that I got from a local shop in York, Nebraska.
Music - friends and my choir director from college
Church - my mom and dad’s, 3 blocks from our house
Minister - my dear friend and English professor from college (also ordained)
Reception - in the church fellowship hall
Cake - A gift from my high school mentor, who made beautiful cakes
Flowers - Flower shop made the wedding party flowers. All the rest that decorated the reception and ceremony were wildflowers from the ditches, gathered by my mom and her friend.
Food - I don’t remember. It was simple.
Silliest thing I did - Try to get the family dog in the wedding pictures.
His name was Fred, and he did NOT want to be there.
Wedding pictures - local photographer.
My wedding photos were the most expensive part of my wedding, and they were less than $500. Total wedding cost, less than $1,000, including my wedding ring.

My only bridal shower happened on the last day that I was working in the fields, detasseling corn. I got home, covered in mud, got into the shower, got dressed and went to my shower with my mom.

The whole wedding industry now, drives me crazy. And I hope my sons find girls who aren’t tied to a fancy wedding, because I don’t believe in throwing a party that costs thousands or tens of thousands of dollars, like so many do these days.

Now, if you are reading this during the “shelter at home” orders of the Covid-19 days, and you are a bride, I know this is an upset and I’m not callous to your feelings! I have several young friends and a niece, who had to change their weddings, due to covid-19 restrictions. So, this is not for you…but I do hope you know, it’ll be okay. You can still get married and start your life together.

My wedding was a simple thing. And yet, when we pulled away to go on our honeymoon, I was totally exhausted. I can’t imagine the exhaustion now days, that a bride feels after their dream wedding day. So much pressure to have the perfect dress, nails, hair, shoes, wedding party, showers, …list goes on and on.

My hope for the brides marrying my sons some day, is that they decide to spend more time planning for their marriage and less time planning the party before the marriage. I hope they invite the people to the wedding that will stand by them during good and bad times, during the difficulties that lie ahead, instead of bloating the guest list with people who come for the food. My hope is that after 25 years, people will say about them, “now that is a beautiful marriage,” instead of just remembering the beautiful wedding ceremony.

What if brides and grooms started thinking about that? Are there Pinterest boards for marriage dreams and plans? Do you know who to go to when you start to find out that your new spouse doesn’t roll the toilet paper the right way, or doesn’t throw away the empty tube? And do you realize that that could become very annoying?

What? No. I love him sooooooooo much, it’ll never bother me to throw away an empty toilet paper tube that he leaves sitting next to the trash can. Impossible.

Trust me. The dumbest things get on my nerves that if you had told me 35 years ago, I would have said, “you don’t understand, I love him. That won’t bother me!” Ha! You just wait!

I just believe that the wedding industry has created this monster that says parents must throw a huge party, of second-mortgage proportions, and a child should expect it, in order to get married. And I feel like it’s gotten a little bit ridiculous. The amount of money thrown into a wedding could buy the couple a car or sometimes a new house, or pay off college debt, instead of throwing it into a venue, food, napkins, invitations, candles, drapes, tablecloths, decorations, wedding party clothes, disposable flowers and dishes and a dress that never gets worn again. It boggles my mind. And is all of that really the bride and groom’s wishes or so the parents can impress their friends and family?

I like the old model of the couple getting engaged, and grabbing a few friends and relatives, a handful of flowers, a pretty dress that could be worn again, and someone to say the words, “do you?” And bless them with prayer and intention to be there as support.

My timer is up for the “stream of consciousness” blog post. And it may be my poor timing to post this now, but it’s what was on my mind, and that’s what I’m writing about each day in lieu of posting on facebook.

My hope and prayer for couples getting married during Covid-19, that you’ll look back, and appreciate the closest and most special people in your lives, that were there. And realize that 35 years from now, even if 300 had been at your wedding, you really would still only remember the few and the closest to you, your A-list.

Your friend,
Anne Dovel